Sunday, April 19, 2009
its been days and nights,
since i last done my act;
my days has been haunted with the conscious of what i've done,
my dreams has not been a good one
ever since the guilt in me caught up with what i did;
will the result be a reality or will it be just a bad dream;
for what i fear may be true,
for the reality hits,
the nightmare comes true;
but for what i hope it isn't true....
;
1:10 AM
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Saturday, April 18, 2009
an er,is human,to forgive is devine
take it as it comes,leave it as it goes
forget whats right n wrong,a mistake is a mistake,the question is if its forgivable
whats done is done,the damage is there,but will it be able to be amend
love me for who i am n what i am,but not love me to fulfill ur desire
i shed tears with words,but not tears of weakness
what u want n need is not the love that i cn give,but the things u sought to seek in me
dnt condone to my mistakes,but i wnt ask for forgiveness,coz what i done is wrong
love of my body,i wnt give,but love of my heart is what i hav to give
an er is what we make,to forgive is what we need
the love of my life is not what i hav,but the betrayal of myself is what i hav done
to forgive is not what i need,as i couldnt care less
this are the quotes that i made up myself...as it is true of what i hav done....what i did is not right,i wont ask anyone to condone to my mistakes.....thats y i'm writing all these....to remind myself of what i hav wronged myself to do.....
;
5:53 AM
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Thursday, April 16, 2009
i hav degraded n shame myself for what i hav done....the most important thing is i hav breach the trust my family had in me....i hav lost what is most important to me....right nw i hav got no much of a self pride...as ntg that i hav done so far is worth to be proud of....i hav degraded myself n threw what i hav left away...
NO DIGNITY LEFT...NO SELF PRIDE....lets just say if u call a person who often flirts cheap then....what i've done is even worst....its call a self brand "cheapmunk"....what i've done like what i say be4 its
reckless n irresponsible....here's what i qoute from a friend....
LETS TALK ABOUT THE PAST
TAKE OFF & REVEAL THE MASK
MAKE IT FAST
OUR CROWD IS BEGIN TO FUSS
MY PAST IS DARK & SCARY
FULL WITH FEAR & NOISE
CAUSE OF ALL THESE
FUCKIN BOYS!!!
~michelle~
lets just put it this way.....in the eyes of THE ALMIGHTY,i'm a person full of SIN.......this is what i've turn myself into....
;
11:09 PM
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Wednesday, April 15, 2009
as how as it is to be....always expect the unexpected.....thats all i cn say...i did it again the same mistake that i had done months before....but even worst....i dont knw how i feel this time i dont feel crush....instead i felt totally NUMB.....i dnt knw why...the ***s i receive today isnt as good as the one i had be4.....when it was goin on i felt nothing but just the pain in it.....for as far as things would go all i could think of was reckless...irresponsible for myself n nothing else.....it should not hav been that way if only i hadnt given it back.....thats reckless n unforgivable.....i knw what i did was wrong n totally out of question but the fact is whats done is done...it will not change the fact that i had lost it.....i dnt knw if i like him i dnt hav any feelings at all is it really that numb in me already?????i just hav the feeling that the relationship that i'm gonna hav is either not gonna last long or its gonna be shaky....coz honestly if u ask me,when it came to me that it was about to happen i didnt feel anything nothing at all thats what i felt...at 1st i wanted to resist but later i didnt i just hung on to it.....i felt sick after that,not sick of anything not even sick of him but sick of myself for what i did.....after a while when my head is cleared of all the numbness....i start to think things through...all he wanted n needed was not the love that i could give him but the things he sought to seek in me.....i dnt knw if i should go on with it...coz for as far as i knw now things arent gonna work out well with me....as being reckless n irresponsible for once is enough....there has to always be a lesson learnt....for being a RECKLESS FOOL!!!!
;
7:15 AM
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Tuesday, April 7, 2009
damn last night tournament was damn tough!!!!it was a great game even though i lost...but the weather was bloody hot i could fry an egg on my head....felt like fainting there n then....so i went to subway after that with my mom for lunch....the sandwich was good....anyway the thing is after lunch i went to starbucks to get a coffee home...met this guy workin there really cute n good lookin...we chatted for a short while...the thing is he works in starbucks n his name is terence n he's an indian....ahhhh..........melt......anyway this morning when i woke up my ass hurts like hell n i could barely walk properly....it still hurts like hell!!!!!DAMN.....
;
4:35 AM
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