Friday, December 18, 2009
god what the bloody fuckin day i had today.....had a very nice lunch today with my cous,aunts,uncle,grandma and parents but that happiness only lasted until 3 pm until my dad had to ruin my whole entire afternoon by telling me bout college.....he says that whats the point of me takin A levels when its the same as taking form 6....might as well take the free one.....GOSH!!!!!DONT HE UNDERSTAND!!!!!he says that takin A levels is unless i'm goin overseas to study so theres no point in taking it n since he doesnt hav the money to send me there.....BUT god doesnt he knw that private colleges also allow me to complete my course in m'sia itself????n the difference in it is that the certs are totally different coz havin an overseas cert allows me to hav a better future as it is widely recognize....BUT god no he thinks its a waste of money......then after lunch he drag me all the way to TAR COLLEGE...just to ask for what they offer...then be4 the counseller even say anything to me he keeps telling her that he's got no money to send me overseas!!!!god!!!!!then he brags bout he know loads more things then they do becoz his friends kids are doin this n doin that all the yadayada crap.....ARGHHH!!!!!y cnt he just understand what i'm askin for......n i guess i hav to go through all this crap again 2mr n its not gonna make my day...n he'sgoin down to kl during x'mas n wants me to enquire in UTAR....guess it wont make my day until i agree to what he wants me to do.....NOW I HAV HALF OF MY MIND TO TELL HIM THAT I DNT WANT TO STUDY ANYMORE SINCE I'M NOT GIVEN A CHOICE TO CHOOSE WHERE I WANNA STUDY.....gosh sometimes i just really envy those orphan ...at least at the end of the day they get to choose what they want although they hav got to work harder than us with parents....but i just hav to ask for god's forgiveness for what i say bout the orphan not that i dont apprieciate my parents....but at least my mom knws what i want n is willing to let me choose but god my dad....its just so bloody frustrating....man are just so bloody complicated.......
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7:18 AM
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Thursday, December 10, 2009
god what the hell has gotten into me today....y am i feeling angry at him???just becoz he's busy????god the feeling is sooo confusing...it just doesnt make sense to me.....y am i angry???y do i feel insecure????all of this is so confusing so weird....ntg like that has ever happen be4...but y now????do i really love him that makes me feel weird???god....then my mom starts getting into my face just becoz i 4gotten to drink my milo this freakin morning....what the hell is wrong???y r crazy thing s happening to me nw????god.....1st was when i cried...then now getting angry...ARGHH!!!!!this is just so frustrating i dnt even knw how i feel at times.....smbody just gt to tell me bout it....i'm new at it n definitely not good at it....dnt like second guessing my own feelings....everything just makes me feel weird n outta place....just need to cool it for awhile...
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5:07 AM
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Wednesday, December 9, 2009
yesterday was hectic it was soo tiring....went to sch in the morning to return the txtbooks....waited for jane to finish her exams be4 goin to gurney....went to watch love happens and man that was the most draggies movie i had ever watch....theres ntg much to write bout yesterday......
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5:54 PM
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Tuesday, December 8, 2009
god has it been a long time since i last wrote my blog.....been busy with all those freakin studies....which now that spm has already ended just couple hours ago...wow...all the hard work sure hope it pays of in the end.....now that the studies are all officially over for the time being....its time for me to get on back with my carefree life....now it more storybooks,more blogging,more facebook n more tv.....god its just time to relax a lil.....then after that look for a job which i already am just hoping to get it....so that the stupid dad of mine wouldnt start nagging again...god forgive me but do i just hate him....cnt he just let me go on with my own life n let me decide what i wanna do n stop making decision for me....i'm old enough to knw exactly what i want...but anyways life goes on from here....just had an outing with a bunch of friends just now after the ppr end.....no more talking bout hw did i do the ppr goes its all over n cnt change a sinlge things now....well went out with a bunch of friends including my 'lover'....well wasnt so bad.....growing to learn how to luv him i guess.....just hope that everything would be fine n my prayers would be answered...right now i'm just hoping that everything would turn out the way i want it to be and give me less trouble to deal with....which i already hav a hands full of it....
all i'm askin for now is that to achieve good results for my spm,for my parents to understand what i really want,for my relationship to be stable n good and for those strangers in my life to leave me alone....
AHHH.....GUESS THATS ALL FOR TODAY.....
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7:36 AM
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